About amandacmcneil

God is there for me in hard times, now I get to be there for others.

How Do You Do?

How Do You Do - Keeping Your Marriage Vows - http://amandacmcneil.com

For better and for worse. In sickness and in health. For richer and for poorer. ‘Til death do us part. I do.

Most couples believe that as they breathe these vows they are unconditionally committing their lives to one another, yet divorce statistics would voice otherwise. In this world of short-term commitments and looking out for “number one” how do you do marriage?!

As a pastor and Christian counselor, I am often asked this question. Though there can be many different answers, the most helpful I can offer via one-way conversation is this: Love is a choice. You cannot control your spouse’s behaviors, attitudes, or actions. You can only control your own. And you can choose to give love no matter what you feel like. Let that thought sink in. Your consistency, commitment, and attitude through it all is your choice, not the choice of your circumstances, feelings, bank account, or stress level. This is a recurring theme throughout the course of both premarital and marriage counseling.

How Do You Do Marriage? Blog Post by Pastor Amanda McNeil

In the 14th century people greeted one another by asking “How do you do?” This phrase, now tickling to modern ears, has great depth to it. The early meaning of the verb ‘do’ is ’prosper; thrive.’ Translating this thought to our topic of the day, my question about your marriage is “How do you do?” Is your marriage prosperous? Is it thriving? Is what you are doing actually working?

If you are looking to improve yourself in this area or to breathe life into your marriage, there are numerous resources at your disposal, and many of them are even free. I am continually reading relationship blogs, marriage books, and listening to podcasts about Christian marriage. Not only do I want to have the most tools to share with people, but I want my marriage to consistently thrive.

Here are some tools that I have found along the way and offer in pastoral counseling.

*Recommended Reading:

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley

Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Recommended Podcasts:

iDisease Part 1: I Do by Pastor Jeffrey Smith, City of Life Church {Free}

The Perfekt Family Part 1: Vital Signs of a Perfect Marriage by Dr. Gary Smith, City of Life Church {Free}

iMarriage by Pastor Andy Stanley, North Point Community Church

Staying in Love by Pastor Andy Stanley, North Point Community Church

Recommended Blogs & Other Tools:

The 5 Love Languages Test by Dr. Gary Chapman

Refine Us Marriage Coaching by Refine Us

Budgeting Worksheets by Christian Personal Finance

Unveiled Wife Blog

Marriage Blog – Focus on the Family

Marriage Channel Q&A Videos by Cloud-Townsend Resources

Sexual Intimacy Talk – Mentor Us Vlog

Biblical Money Essentials E-Course by Christian Personal Finance

Dividing Chores in Marriage – Focus on the Family Blog Post

8 Things I Wish I’d Known As A Newlywed – Blog Post

Advice for Newlyweds – Blog Post


Disclosure: I was not paid to promote any of the above links. All opinions and recommendations are my own personal views.

*Many of these are available in Spanish as well.

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